F**k You Depression

Before you get into the depths of this post, a few housekeeping items...

• There is explicit language.
• You will not laugh (unless you're a cruel human).
• You might be triggered. If you are, know that you are not alone. If you need to talk, I can offer an understanding ear.
• I understand people experience things differently and hope that you, too, can understand this. If you have experienced depression and your experience was/is different than this... please be gentle with your words.

Fuck You Depression

Like a first black, then green, Kansas sky before a tornado touches down

Your tentacles stretch out and envelope my mind.

Like the calm ocean before a hurricane strikes

My soul acknowledges the uselessness of its entirety.

And much like the once solid ground before the earthquake

My body shatters from the innermost points of itself.

Try as I might, I cannot stop it from coming.

Fuck you depression.

You're the friend I wish would go away.

You rob me of my laughter.

Steal my passion from me

And take away my peace.

Insist upon sleepless nights

Yet mandate fatigue on the daily.

Our friendship requires that I lie.

I hate how you treat me.

Fuck you depression!

Why are you still here?

314 Facebook friends.

364 LinkedIn Connections.

Who comes to see me?

You, depression. Only you.

Should I thank you?

At least I know you are consistent.

Consistently a pain in my ass.

Fuck you depression.

I hate you.

You make me hate myself.

I hate feeling useless.

Crazy.

Like yesterday's trash.

Failed my kids and life.

I'm not a good friend, nor do I have any good friends.

I'm not good at anything.

Anxious.

Tired all the damn time.

Compound effects of depression, anxiety, stress, and PTSD.

I don't know who I am.

I hate it all.

I hate me.

I hate you.

Fuck you depression!

Go to hell.

-Shauna Dwyer, 2017